I have no idea

It's been a while since I've written anything. I guess I just haven't felt much like writing. I still don't feel much like it but I fell asleep early and I just woke up. So being too tired to study and too awake to go to sleep and having no one on MSN to talk to I have started writing. You know when something is happening or is about to...but you have no idea what it is or how to go about figuring it out...well, that's kind of where I am. I don't know where I belong. Do I belong here? I'm not so sure about that anymore. I want to go away...far away...but I don't want to go alone. And I don't want to go away yet. I have things here that I need to finish first. I need to finish school for starters. Three more years left. I can't leave street church either. I belong there. I feel like I'm actually doing something worth while. I need to do some other things too...things I don't feel like writing about. For friends who are being confused by me once again...I'm sorry. I'm confusing even myself. Not that that's anything new. I'm sick of changing. I don't want to do it anymore. I wish I could decide who I am and that would be it. I'm not sad...I'm actually having an amazing month...maybe that's what has gotten me thinking. I guess I'm happy being where I am but I'm not content with it. I want more. Maybe one day I'll figure life out. My best friend and I like to sit and laugh about the crazy turns life takes...and it doesn't stop. I thank God for friends like that...one's that put up with me no matter what. I have a lot of friends...more than I ever thought I would have. Five years ago I had many friends but no best friends...not even any good friends. I would pray and pray for God to bring me a best friend. He did more than that...he gave me three of them. Through those three I have made many more best friends. When I look back at myself five years ago I don't even recognize myself. I see a very quiet girl who prefered to sit in the background and watch. I see a girl who never spoke her mind and who would never start a conversation with someone she didn't know very well. I see someone who was unsure of herself...someone who was extremely lacking in confidance. I still am that girl in some ways but maybe I've just grown up. It's amazing what a hard couple of years do for a person. I have changed a lot...something Shannon can attest to. Thanks for sticking up for me friends...even when I have made mistakes and have taken you along for the ride. I don't mean to. I think I need to stop what has turned into more of a rant. I have no idea what I have just written here. I don't know what conclusion I have come to...or if I have come to one at all. I guess I did feel like writing. Maybe one day I'll sort it all out.